we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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