but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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