At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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