does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
