Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
