You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
love makes seman taste better
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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