My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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