I bet he comes in French.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
