I love black thongs
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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