she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
