Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
