4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
