some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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