I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
