I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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