Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
