Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just pynch a tree in the face
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Randomize
