GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
