I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
