Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Four minutes until I can fart!
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
