my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
