I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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