he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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