I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
