Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
You smell like stripper and shame
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
