This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
