you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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