My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
