Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Text me some of your sweat
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
