what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
