and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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