1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
If that was your dad, he is hot
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
