k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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