party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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