I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Randomize
