Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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