Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
