and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
