I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
