You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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