True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
