I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
