dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I love you. Go after that dick
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
