Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
