My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Randomize
