hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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