to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
