I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
