so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
