I wish my penis had an off switch
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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