I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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