i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
