I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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